"I want to just tie you up so you\'ll still be here like this when I get home." Actual words.
i swear to god, this restaurant is playing a john tesh cover of a song from aladdin
Now that you're back together are you gonna tell him you set his stuff on fire?
But seriously he was like a god with his hands. My vagina feels annointed.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Like, actually questioning if you ate dog shit last night
Nothing says never again like hurling in the shower.
Would it be considered cannibalistic if I wanted to eat off his bacon tattoo?
when the repo soundtrack came on in the middle of us having sex i realized it was about time that i clear out my itunes library
I walked in on him jerking it to videos of UFC fighters. The most awkward part: he didn't stop when I walked in.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Tequilla is a sneaky bitch ninja that doesn't kick in until you least expect it. Then BAM! You're peeing in unconventional places.
I thought one was bad but really there are two woman stupid enough to marry our brother...unreal
I peed in Andys sink the other day bc I didnt want him to hear me pee
Wow i just puked in front of the lady that was drug testing me. I passed though!
And a hot pocket after we fucked. Heaven.
Could’ve gone my whole life not seeing a man snort coke off another man’s cock... but there it is...
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