I take no responsibility of who alcohol hooks up with using my body!
dear roomies, would anyone wanna donate the booze they left in the fridge over break to the "your roomies snowed in and all alone" fund?
he found my favorite bra, 3 thongs and a pair of jeans and gave them back. i love move out day.
No its cool I don't even have to do anything he is rapping to one of the strippers. He is punishing himself enough.
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hey, you wanna get together over coffee or something?
is this code for 'i just got broke up with and i need a sympathy dicking'?
how did you know?
Bad news? she threw her drink in his face, left her phone at the club, and disappeared. I found her laying in bed with the bottle she stole from our VIP service. Good news is she's asleep and I have the bottle, come home
Two options. One, you listen while I freak out. Two, we have mediocre to awesome car sex and don't talk. Either way, I'll be there by 7
There's no discreet way to sneak a cucumber into the shower lol
I just really wish I could go back and unsex him. Waste of my vagina.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You guys are like the reason that ketamine is a controlled substance.
See, this is why we give you shit. Ashley gets her car cleaned out, I get multiple enchiladas made, and you get cum in your eye.
cake and sex. what better combination is there.
Did you actually just quote Ace Ventura during a sext!?
You know it
Dammit now I have to marry you
I just want to see his penis in the light. Is that a crime?
Dude... this pee is not alleged
YOU SAT ON MY LAP!
Wuddup pee lap
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