i have i love cock written on my hand and a vagina drawn on my arm and i just finished eating breakfast with the whole fam for mothers day
ahah at least you got away with it
nope...my gran was the one who informed me
I wish I had more reasons to start sentences with the phrase, "Here's the thing you've got to remember about cougars ...
I googled Canada's legal age of consent. I have good news. It's 14. Justin Bieber here I come...
is drinking for groundhog day legit?
well you blacked out on MLK day and we pregamed arbor day, so yes
i can barely draw a stick figure let alone shave a heart into my pubes
I don't remember anything other than how good it felt when I peed my pants.
We went to IKEA super baked wearing fake mustaches. You?
She kept grabbing my head and told my faces to stop shaking.. Also, she kept whispering something about seeing flowers in my eyes.
If I was gonna be at your campus for halloween weekend, I'd dress up as the masked horny fairy and give out condoms. I'm so thoughtful.
Just took a shower for the sole purpose of getting off without using my hands... I've reached a new level of summer-lazy.
I'm not gonna lie. The thing I miss the most about him right now is the air conditioned hotel rooms.
I thanked him for the booty call offer but told him I'd rather just do it myself
I feel like your personal Bdsm barbie...
On a unprofessional note, there's a new girl in photo.
That wasn't unprofessional. The fact that I'm going to fuck her is unprofessional.
Yep, you're going to hell.
I take on this great possibility with a beer in one hand and the girl I'm gonna fuck later in the other
Randomize
