My friends, they love my intelligence
Tell me I did not drive one hour for whiskey dick.
Someone took a freaking dump on a roll of toilet paper. Next to the toilet. No shit in the toilet. Just on the roll of toilet paper.
He came on my chest. Sat back and said "hey it sorta looks like lake michigan!" kill me now...
He said I was the smartest girl he had ever dated, that should have been a sign from the beginning
Dude. He only had one testicle. It was like his whole package was a Muppet Show character coming at me.
She was perfectly content just sitting in the middle of everyone blowing bubbles in the air.
I still smell like men's body wash from that drunken shower I took at that stranger's home last night.
his first fb message to me in 3 years was "is your cock open for business?" im blocking him
I just want to eat Taco Bell and throw it up on his doorstep.
it's like i'm making a family tree of tunnel buddies for my vagina
My roomate had an hour long melt down about her life choices not realizing I was in the middle of having sex... So yea it went pretty horribly.
We watched playoff games and fucked so we could both see the TV. I've now found true love.
I'm eating go-gurt and drinking beer alone in the dark. This is why you shouldn't marry young.
The best thing about last night is when drunk Lauren asked cop if she could smoke a joint in front of him. And next thing I remember she’s smoking weed with a cop. How awesome is that.
Randomize
