I will come over but only if I don't have to take my sunglasses off for it
Forgive me I'm always horny when I wake up
oh, also, we're locked out of the house and we're going to have to take shelter with the hot, poss single, dad next door. i hope this turns into a porno
i wanna do a homemade sex video in sepia and pretend were in the early 20th c
life lesson #1: a fart during an awkward silence between 2 strangers doesnt make it less awkward.
he fingered me, smelled his fingers, then asked me what i ate today..
Thats about the time I should have known you would run around naked and try to make out with my sleeping mother
I saw a chick at 8 am this morning walking back to my dorm wearing wings... I'm kind of jealous.
i wish there was a photo editing effect that fully opened my drunk eyes
I'm functioning at the level of a challenged walrus.
Sooo just headbutted a stripper, meet you outside
He said he only likes girls with a sense of humor, after he took his pants off I understood why
Nope I went the fuck home like an adult
And my parents said I crawled through the house
Nothing like sitting at your midterm pissed at yourself because you put your graphing calculator batteries in your vibrator and forgot to put them back in before the exam 😑
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