i dont nkow, theres a guy slesping next to me and im wearing 8 tsthirts? wtf happened last night? will you come get me.
i think im in thre room next to you
Just FYI I rubbed poison oak on all your sheets and blankets so we all will know who you hooked up with (in about a day)
I hope whoever gets these locks of love doesn't have a drug test anytime soon
I just did my online traffic school at the bar. No biggie.
it's been a while because I don't count the hooker
i'm going through an 80s music phase. and by phase i mean i will only have sex to white snake
I was afraid that she would smell her boyfriend's penis on my breath while we were talking.
This is going to ruin my future wedding planner career, but isn't it better the groom knows he's gay BEFORE he gets married?
I left myself a note saying 'buy a hamster but not an orange one like this pen'
omg so drunk
May or may not have just put tequila in my special "kids+" orange juice fortified with vitamins a, b, c, d, e, and now t.
I love 3rd shift and working at a hotel I just had a late night booty call while I was getting paid..could life get any better??
I think my liver has finally had enough and is going all Ashley-Judd-in-a-Lifetime-movie on me.
The dude we met that gave us weed sent me a video of his balls covering the sun like a solar eclipse
The girl at the liquor store remembered me as "the girl who pays in hundreds" so she didn't ID me
Her pegging playlist is all heavy metal so stay away if you wanna keep your ass intact
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