onenightstand. Woke up and saw my nuva ring on the floor. apparently he thought it was a glow stick. pick me up please?
he didnt ask why there was a glowstick shoved up your vag?
good. and stop kissing my girl you dirty slut.
i don't think she's still your girl..plus, she kept screaming "kiss me! i'm a lesbian!" last night so i think you're outta luck..
What is this red stuff in a water bottle in my fridge that's labeled "not for baby turtles"?
i deep throated a ruler to see what my limit was...
I woke up face first on my living room floor arms outstretched toward the christmas tree
walking through the french quarter. a homeless guy just offered me a pigeon. gotta love new orleans.
He is going overseas for 8 months, not only was that blowjob a going away present, but i was supporting the troops
well, someone with very low standards is getting their dick sucked
But you wanna know what the sadest part is? I had to smoke on the way back home cause my mom would be suspicious if I wasn't high after I was supposedly hanging out with you.
I hope the doctor doesnt lift up and my shirt and listen to my lungs. I dont want to explain why I have rug burns on my back.
Of dear god, I've been waiting to have rug burn like this since I got bored of my vibrator 2 months ago
I feel that it is my duty to the human race to invent a colon squeegy
So now your dad has seen my tits. You could have told me he was coming by to help paint.
I didn't think you'd be painting the kitchen topless.
I couldn't find a shirt I was willing to ruin.
We’re leaving where are you
Hold on Toxic just started playing
I just put my eye make up on in the bathroom of the bar.... I may be too comfortable here....
Randomize
