she just stood in the kitchen yelling "REAL WOMEN HAVE CURVES"
I just woke up and checked my e-mail, and apparently while drunk I bought a blowtorch. Thought you'd want to know.
watching hot guy on train scrolling with his blackberry's track ball... o to be that track ball...
just threw up on dog. broke microwave with cheese and spoon. having a bath with my barbies singing final countdown.
before you ask yes i found the absinthe under your bed. ITS THE FINAL COUNTDOWWWWNNNNNN
He wants to know how I lost my bra in his pants....id like to know too
Yeah I'm a responsible adult man but I legally unbind myself from anything that occurred that evening and am in no way responsible for those actions.
I'm not about to serve this country to fuckin not have rum and cheezits for breakfast
Delete that photo of me. My ass looks WAY to good it in to be on Facebook for everyone to see. You gotta earn that shit.
I went from looking for a bong to home decor in a 10 minute span. This is what being an adult is all about!
We can't go out this weekend. My uterus is so desperate it's given me permanent beer goggles
STOP HOOKING UP WITH SOCCER MOMS! YOU ARE RUINING MY REPUTATION!
Do you remember when you first moved into my parents house with me and we came home to find that my dad bolted the headboard to the wall
I got in an argument over whether or not I'm a slut. I argued yes.
Well let me fuck you while I make potatoes. It's every girls dream
I think I hear the ice cream truck
I could be going crazy though
NO IT IS THE ICE CREAM TRUCK IT'S ALMOST AT YOUR STOP
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