Why is my head in the toilet this morning but there is vomit behind the toilet
now everythime i write "i'm" in my phone my tap9 spells out "i'm-never-drinking-again". It's trying to remind me
nah, its part of my diet to keep track of the servings of everything i put into my body
how many servings is brandon's dick?
Get out of your relationship and into my pants.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
he told her to call him "Frog Legs" and she still fucked him and not you.
I gave up my innocence when I let him cum in my spelling bee trophy
don't let me wipe my vag with a dirty leaf outside of mcdonalds ever again.
We used the solo cup bag for her hair tie. Desperate times call for desperate measures.
so hungover. i just puked at the sight of the beer emoticon you sent me.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
A homeless guy wouldnt accept my granola bar because he didnt have any teeth. I think i win the prize for the ultimate rejection
Also, totally got laid in my yellow rubber boots and it was awesome.
And I wasn't CONVICTED of a felony, I just committed one
Are you drinking tequila at 1pm? ...at Disneyland?
Wine through a straw in a subway cup.....classy
Finally got with the virgin.
Yeah? Howd that go?
As soon as I got it all the way in, I looked deep into her eyes and said "your soul is mine" in the deepest voice I could make. She was not amused.
Randomize