you know that hot chick that stutters? talk about an awkward orgasm
he put $150 on the cabs dash so 9 of us could pile in and ride 3 blocks to the apartment.
Standing in front of the open refrigerator with a 3/4 empty bottle of wine eating Bac-o's from the jar, topless. Somebody really should've taught me better coping skills.
Honestly the war on drugs is dumb and you can just sleep in my bed which is mega comfortable anytime you want. There I said it
I was the only one at the party that didn't get their name taken by the police. I'm convinced that I'm the main character of Ferris Bueller's Drunken Adventures.
How do I feel about a girl who has a g string tattooed on
If I got everything I wanted in the world, I would have been forcing soup down your throat hours ago
Since when do you jog?
Since hot shirtless guy that lives across the street jogs
these people use weed stems as birthday cake candles. I'm never coming home
He fucked me so hard my nail polish actually chipped. I'm keeping him.
my mom said i came home and fell asleep on the floor. like right in front of her.
That moment when your mom is so drunk she makes you get out of bed to lay in her bed because she thinks it feels like sleeping on a marshmallow peep....
Thanks for having me over last night. Sorry I licked rum off your kitchen floor.
She started calling me daddy on the second date and I don't know how to react to that
I just want an early 40-something dude who is vaguely unencumbered, professionally driven and wants to put me in a ball gag.
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