What did we do last night that was yellow?
I bet i've been more pregnant than you.
eating raw peppers to burn the taste of semen out of my mouth
Sitting in the library lobby in the middle of exam week. Drunk. Dressed as santas slutty helper. Waiting for the student shuttle service. People are clapping for me as they walk by. Tell me how this isnt college
instead of telling him i dont hook up with closet frat guys, i gave him his "straight' fraternity brothers number... pike house will be interesting tonight
he's downstairs watching tv with my family... I called the home line so my mom could bring me my make up bag cause my real face would prob make him delete my number
he found my favorite bra, 3 thongs and a pair of jeans and gave them back. i love move out day.
make sure nobody uses the downstairs toilet. i like to have an unused toilet for the weekends. dont shit where you puke i always say.
Thank you for not puking on my lap during the first class of the semester. And fuck you for doing it in the second.
He picked me up in the very car he devirginized me in, his moms toyota.
The whole time we were hanging out my vagina was yelling at me like its a real live penis that wants to have sex with us what are you doing
I NEED TO TAKE A FUCKING BREAK. MY VAGINA IS SMOKING.
I just ordered a five person drink for myself.... Right about now you should start saving me from myself....
Omg I'm having dinner at chilli's with a guy who is arguing that getting a weed leaf tatoo on his neck will prevent him from getting a job as a dental assistant
Well that actually sounds reasonable
She's like a cask of Amontillado. Very tempting if I was drunk, but sober, I know I'll get fucked over in the end.
Randomize
