I made out with a fat chick last night in a hot tub... btw I am breaking up with you
we went to a bar last night, drank beer in plastic cups. I took pics w/a random kid i pulled into a photobooth & i have easy mac in my purse. I belong here.
she starting giving me head in the taxi..the driver told her to stop..she looked up, said "I'm the birthday girl", and kept on doing what she was doing.
Just found a "how to get laid" book on the dresser and am now a victim of method number 16 corollary 7.
so jimmy johns showed up at our party last night. our house is sponsored now. living the dream.
after we had sex he told me his original plan was to have sex with my roommate but his buddy likes her so i was backup
She only remembers me when she's drunk. It's like I'm a suppressed memory that only surfaces with alcohol.
Care to explain why there is sushi in the soap dish in the bathroom
I ran into my boss at the liquor store on our lunch hour we both just stood there awkwardly until i was like your car bar or mine hahaha we both need a cab
Since the world is still here you can go ahead and disregard those pictures I sent
i could have been the DD. this is ridiculous. i'm the most sober and getting the least ass.
Just remember, it's never too late to make a porno
I'm going to reward myself for having sex with coffee and a breakfast burrito.
As a courtesy going forward if you could not bang in my house that would be nice
I just saw a cat, if i ate those mushrooms 15 minutes earlier i wouldn't have made it to the bar
Randomize
