I'm to the point in my high that every song eventually turns into Lady Gaga
just heard someone say they saw a guy puke while riding a bike across campus without stopping
And we hooked up in the carwash. I told you our creative juices were flowing today.
I found a wheel chair. there is now a high chance im going to be fired from this job
I got Green Bay stickers to put on my nipples. This way when I flash it will look like I did it out of spirit as opposed to drunkenness
I was giving a campus tour, when a drunk senior came up behind me and shouted at the group, "If Jesus ain't your homeboy - get the fuck off this campus!" Looks like his religion course is paying off...
Very impressive. My GPA is the same amount of orgasms I can offer tonight (valid only tonight): 3.5
Dude she hit me with my own penis and it hurt. I've never been cock slapped but she slapped me with my own cock so it has to be worse.
I'm hungover from arbor mist I'm so white
My vagina is screaming your name . Wtf did you do to it
I mean, you got a giant dick. I've seen lawn gnomes that are smaller.
IT IS EARTH DAY, RECORD STORE DAY, 4/20 EVE, AND SATURDAY ALL AT THE SAME TIME!
I think my dove chocolate wrapper just told me to masturbate.
Jenn from HR called him the new office boy toy. I think I need to bathe in bleach.
At least Shia Labeouf would encourage me to do this drinking contest
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