Will you blow on my dice?
Me liking this guy is the best diet ever. Do I want this cookie...or do I want to get laid.
I told the girl who was peeing in the garbage can she must have had a lot of upper body strength.
He came in my nose, then said it would help clear my sinuses.
Whoever owns the butter that i always steal out of the office fridge definitely put THC butter in there this time. Shit just got real.
He is like the "hometown sweetheart", but a huge freak. Like "I'll come change your flat tire"....but then fuck you like an animal in the back seat.
im pretty sure the interns at this hospital have gotten hotter
Jungle juice turns everything into a pickup line. All I said was "do you play chess" and somehow I got laid.
Moral of the story: next time my plans include you and bourbon, I'm packing a toothbrush.
Do you want me to add this to the list of actions I will state at your intervention
Oh, in response to your "does dating get better" question...I feel like penises are getting smaller nowadays. Its been several years since I saw a good 8+ incher.
Dude, you can't drink while watching Star Trek. You hardly understand it sober.
It's an alien shaped cup though. i think that'll help me absorb.
The Game of Thrones convention was just a drunk fuckfest.
Please tell me you banged Jon Snow.
I’ve slept with a Senior, a Freshman and a Junior so far. I’m a Sophomore away from hitting for the cycle
Need to use your shower bro.
FWB wearing glitter again?
It’s like she’s marking her territory
Randomize
