i kno its fucked up..but id rather sleep it off than seek medical attention right now
we were going to warn you, but we veto-ed that idea somewhere between "this is the stupidest thing we've ever done" and "let's order a pizza"
so, not only did she give him head while i was asleep next to them, apparently, it was bad head...
Are you serious?
yeah... as often as she does that, you'd think she'd be good at it...
My roommate is on the phone with one of her friends trying to figure out how she threw up IN her pants. I'm not sure whether to burst out laughing or direct her towards Plan B.
The bouncer yelled at him for poking at the guy selling roses, I think it's time to leave.
Woaahhhh there! We are JUST drunk fucking. Don't call me "baby".
Just re-gained consciousness in the freshman girls dorm. Normally this would be awesome but I'm on the floor surrounded by chicks doing their homework. This makes me uncomfortable but I don't think they know I'm awake yet. If I b-line for the door can you come get me?
I damn near set my vagina on fire. WHILE The Flaming Lips played in the background. Intensely apropos.
Well shit, I would've slept with him if I knew he was gonna be in the draft.
We just had can't-look-you-in-the-eye sex and it was still surprisingly good
Well I just took a pregnancy test... So how's your thanksgiving?
We were right in the middle of sex and all of a sudden his kids toy story action figure starts talking "I think the word your searching for is Space Ranger." A literal Buzz kill. It was equally creepy and hilarious.
I've had sex with three people who have this birthday.
Im legit just salty with everyone who has a penis right now
can you bring the lube to algebra tomorrow
Randomize
