i just ordered an al pacino with double mocha at starbucks.. i'm waiting to see how long it takes the chick to realize what i said.
I wanna fuck padma even more now that she's preggers. Is that sick?
Yes but- 100% agreed
he came on my stomach and it was 1000 degrees in his car. i smelled awesome.
I walked downstairs and he was standing in nothing but his boxers with his dick hanging out warming up eggs in the microwave.
And then the lady sheeps would bring me the finest grass to eat cuz im the sheep king and id have sexy smooth sheep fur
Maybe you shouldn't go to cosmic bowling, i don't know if cum glows and I don't wanna find out i'm sure his parents don't either.
making a list of all the places we've peed. separate list of places we peed when we were stoned
Looking forward to meeting the person naked and passed out at my kitchen table.
I couldn't sleep so I took 4 shots of vodka and promptly threw up in the sink. Happy Thursday
I've had more jaegerbombs than I can count on 3 fingers
We went the strip club and out of no where the waitress brings him over a quesadilla and a jäger bomb and says your usual!! He swore he had never been there before
Someone should make a valentines day card that says "I like the way you continuously consume thc with no concept of a limit other than drug supply" Because I'd send that to you.
Since I won't be making love with anyone on a bed of roses this year on Sunday I bought a Mustang to fill the gap
my favorite part of this morning was sitting at the gynecologist smelling like cigarettes and wearing yesterday's clothes.
Passed out in someones front yard last night. Got woke u?p by a lady walking her dog at 6am. Rock bottom.
Randomize
