just smoked a bowl with my history teacher. i love community college
"fuck a duck" is spelled out in chinese food on my counter... im kind of nervous to search the rest of my house......
I voted for him because his wife supports his raging sex life.
He came up and told us to watch as he chugged his beer with no hands. Then asked if he could come drunk swimming with us.
mind if i send you a dick pic? so you can see what she wasn't doing right?
This american gymnastics guy.... He just messed up. I feel so bad. I just wanna hug him until he stops crying. Not even in a sexual way. I just wanna hug him.
I just realized that the thing that smelled like an electrical fire in my house was me.
For future reference.... When you take a beer out of a 6pack... You don't insert your phone as a substitute.
My car windows are covered in lube. Happy 4th of July!
I can't believe I came last night staring into my profile pictures eyes.
My roommate fed me my birth control pill while I was hungover laying on the couch so that's how my morning has been
There may or may not be an ass shaped dent in the hood of my car. All I know is windshield wipers aren't as sturdy as you think to hold onto.
Also I told several people at the bar last night that my dad the alligator wrestler died wrestling an alligator. So if anyone asks that's real.
Of course, you have to give the courtesy text like last night when I told you my dick was gonna smell like peppermint
You threw him in the dryer?
He went in of his own accord. Mumbled something about experiencing the blossoming of popcorn.
Randomize
