erin looks like she hung out with the sham wow guy last night. she's got the beat up hooker look goin' on
the homeless guy was waiting for me this morning. this is the closest to a boyfriend ive had in years.
Im in his room watching him sleep. Im going to try and jerk off and not get caught by the nurse.
Dude, you like sabotaged my shower time by walking in and eating a snack pack on the toilet. That's messed up on levels that haven't even been created.
While we were driving she just screams from the backseat: MUMFORD AND SONS DROP THE BANJO and made what were meant to be banjo sound effects
Something bad happened. I'm just giving you some notice. So you can smoke some pot and hide all sharp items in the house.
We're going to brunch on Super Bowl Sunday. I am not a smart man.
i saw way too much penis for that to have been a funeral
the quiet that you are hearing is a silent suggestion that you should go fuck yourself
However, you did manage to order seven different drinks while fingering her at the packed bar - it was like watching the pizza men pound the dough in the windows
And pointless. I'm fully vested in all my calories coming from booze today. The salad just fucks that shit up
i let a mormon finger me. i don't ever want to be that drunk again.
I know you would. And one day, we'll have a moment where i'll verbally assault a stranger for you.
Last night I ate a candle out of a strippers ass.... I guess it was an okay night.
Neighbor just came over and asked if I had anything to clean blood out of carpet... it's definitely time to move.
Randomize
