yo i stole a wine glass from the ritz but i spilled wine on my hundo dolla shirt
You are still hot in my book. I wanna dry hump u like a 9th grader then hump for real when the herpes is gone.
HOW IN THE HELL DID YOU BLOW A .24?????
We were watching I'm a celebrity get me out of here and taking shots every time heidi said HALLELUJAH, and started spraying her hair with that stupid dry shampoo shit....and we only watched the last half hour.
Mark my words im gonna be the drunkest groomsman outta spite for him having his wedding on a gameday
My three rules on what I'm wearing tonight. Something short, something see through, and something i had sex in.
Just woke up from a dream where you lived in a gingerbread house on a snowy cliff by the sea. The dolphins were swimming away from a giant dust storm. You REALLY ought to smoke this before bed tonight.
There seems no grander way to celebrate 420 than to smoke atop a mountain peak.
Nothing bonds a father and daughter like washing her puke off the front steps
When you put my balls in your mouth i just want to buy you expensive gifts...you know what i mean?
he just kept texting even after we lit his shoelaces on fire. he just calmly walked into the pool... still texting.
Is there a polite/non-lush way to ask how alcohol ranks on their list of priorities? Because like idk how to break the ice furreal.
Yea it's also hard to turn down a man asking you out with a chicken sandwich.
I mean my dick does have feeling again, which is a step in the right direction
Hey, you should go to your facebook ASAP... i'm guessing you're wasted but you just uploaded a picture of someones dick...and everyones taking bets now if its Rick or Mikes..
Haha. I found pics last week of me getting motorboated by a girl while i was taking a shot. Hahaha in my wedding dress. Classy
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