wow. When I'm done with him he's going to have to pop his collar in necessity and not just douchery
Nothing gets me like the O.C. theme song does.
woke up this morning with "hah" written on my penis.i was like wtf?? morning wood kicked in and found out what it really said, haNNah.then i remembered.
Oprah is sooooo fat. I can't even concentrate on Mackenzie Phillips talking about banging her dad
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I woke up with a fake mustache stuck to my chest and I can't even hold down water.
If you feel like laying around and watching a movie, that's where I'll be for the next several hours not moving, blaming others, and generally feeling sorry for myself.
The next time you try to drunkenly strip me in public let's make sure it's not anywhere near the daiquiri factory or a group of police officers.
I desperately wanted to wear your shirt.
So if her brother fucks my brother, can I just tell her that anal sex is in her genes?
I don't know but this 12 year old kid is soaking up all of our bad morals like a super tampon on the second day of my period
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I just fell off a roof. So I'm kinda chillin for a minute.
debating what would be more effort, turning on to my other side or trying to get myself off with my left hand. that kind of lazy day.
He's like a hurricane
a drunk, sexist, hurricane
So TMI but just realizing I have not masturbated since trump took office. He's sucked the sex drive out of me.
You know you were really drunk last night when you woke up and had someone else's jacket with their car keys and medical marijuana that you wore home from the bar and no sign of your actual jacket.
mate iv just woke up in the garden. either help me inside or bring out my vodka
Randomize