What do you think that old couple was thinking when they saw me puking in the QT parking lot at ten in the morning?
I can't believe he cheated
Whatever. Anytime she has an orgasm, it's because I taught him how
good. and stop kissing my girl you dirty slut.
i don't think she's still your girl..plus, she kept screaming "kiss me! i'm a lesbian!" last night so i think you're outta luck..
we need to stop having unprotected sex.
ya i know. we're like the secret life of the american whores.
thought i was the most hungover person in class until i saw a kid puke into his bookbag...he wins
After we smoked, the cops questioned us but i just asked if he wanted to join our basketball team.
you just stood there spinning and got mad if anyone tried to stop you
The walk of shame out of a freshman dorm isn't so bad when you're 25, nobody questions you because they think youre gonna bust them for having weed
Whenever I'm hungover I try to stay in public as much as possible, hoping to be a cautionary tale to children. It's a public service, really.
It's an open bar. I'm gonna be gone when you get here.
Text me the address now before you're too drunk to text English.
You're wearing a hospital gown and pearls. Let's reevaluate your life.
I came so hard my entire leg seized. Her blowjob gave me a Charlie horse.
Just had a threesome for the second time in my life. I don;t even enjoy threesomes. Too much effort.
HOW DO THESE THINGS KEEP HAPPENING TO YOU?
Do you think it's illegal to drive without your pants on?
I just don’t understand what sort of USPS worker wants to take my unitard and sex toys.
Randomize
