sexting loses it's worth when you accidentally text your boss.
so I smoked with the leasing agent of the apartment complex. Of corse I am going to take this one
i just realized i put more money and effort into 420 then i did for christmas
You realize at the bar last night we blew on imaginary whistles like rose from titanic right?
3 things I learned last night: 1.) I'm not as light as I used to be. 2.) Sex on the roof of a convertible is a really bad idea. 3.) The hospital now has super glue pens for sealing minor cuts instead of stitches!
so i guess now we know you can get away with peeing mere feet from the Capitol if you shout IM PREGNANT at the guards
A guy wearing a shirt that says "eat shit and die motherfucker" just held open a door for me. He's got manners.
i ended up eating cold sauceless spaghetti out of the container in the fridge with my hands.
When have we listened to the rational side of either of us?!
I am going to piss jack daniels before daylight.
Daylight. It is daylight. Who will give you a ride back?
I hope no one. I want to walk and have a bus hit me.
You should just construct a mini-city, actually. Then destroy, photograph and post. Who could turn down a dick that conquered a whole city? Craigslist personals wont know what hit it.
I swear if you get so drunk that I have to sing Bohemian Rhapsody to you again to get you to come out of the bathroom I'm leaving you at the bar this time.
Not at all! I'll let your potential employer know you have a huge dick
Whiskey. Because sometimes it's fun to have your hands go numb.
if being 21 means slamming 99 cent margaritas at 3:00 in the afternoon on a Tuesday then call me Peter Pan IM NEVER GROWING UP
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