Is showing up wearing the condom a bit presumptus
you puked in the cab and all over yourself and tried to convince the cabby it was there already when he got upset... then you puked again. not too convincing are you
My life would be so much easier if i could just ride around in the cash cab all day
low key just jizzed in a chinese food container
Grown men dancing to Spice Girls and a girl wearing one shoe. I belong here
look. either you want to have late night naked sleep overs or you don't. do not involve dinner and extraneous conversations in this relationship.
Great News, you CAN smoke bowls with a magnifying glass
Im thinking about quitting weed for my dog
Believe it or not, Travis and I simultaneously breaking beer bottles over eachothers heads was not a good idea.
We aren't really supposed to respect our bodies til our mid twenties.
in that moment our bushes were one. and in that moment we were pure.
Life hack: hotbox while in the car wash. It'll change your life.
HOW AM I SUPPOSED TO BE A DRUNK WHEN ALL MY ENABLERS ARE BUSY?!
I'm planning our wedding on the computer and our threesome on my phone. At the same time.
I walked in describing her boobs thinking I was talking to you only to hear dad say 'I remember when your moms were like that'. ALWAYS tell me when they get home early. Always
Randomize
