she just fell off the couch. onto a bag of pretzels. her face resembled a cat that just swallowed a sock.
your youtube search consisted of "food slideshow" and "the angry beavers"
my boss said she was surprised to see me this morning. i told her there's a time in a girls life she has to give up day drinking in order to make money for next weekend's alcohol. she looked so proud, i think i might get a raise.
You'll be proud of me
Who did you not have sex with
Damn it...you know me too well
I hate girls that dress up to come to planned parenthood. I just want to be like we are all in the same boat here, we know your slutty. Its OK.
I vomitted in the hotel where they film gossip girl last night. Everywhere.
The movie was so bad she gave me two blowjobs. Two.
She was sitting there stuffing her face rubbing my back with a dorito cheese filled hand while eating something else with the other hand as I was crying.
The woman in the hospital bed next to me just got diagnosed with flea bites on her vag.
Whaaaaaat? No way.
Now a discussion of pigs vs. dog as carrier.
I blacked in at 6:30am on the last stop on the train with a random fedora on? And I'm pretty sure I rode in a limo last night while eating pizza
My phone just autocorrected 'vagina' to 'vaginihilation'...when exactly did I need to convey total annihilation by lady parts??
I can not say for certain that I did not blow someone in the bathroom at the bar at some point.
I sent her a picture of Richard Nixon and said "these are the only dick pics I send".
He said that he made a girl squirt to the ceiling and I got curious
"suitors" is just a nice way of her saying "the guys i'm fucking"
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