Spent $1500 on bottle service and have a lump on my head from hitting the nightstand while puking. Excess? Nooo Success.
He yelled IN THE FACE!! while cumming on my face.
How did you steal an entire pie?
I don't know. It's in my purse.
Easy for you to say! His first impression of you isn't the drunk girl in a turtle costume who got hit by a car!
Everyone is hammered wasted already...young, old, the dying, babies...we got them all
She gave such good road head it was turned into side-of-the-road head for everyone's safety
You were on shrooms and "the trees are crazy green!" is all you could manage.
Dude you went around coming up behind people and whispering in their ears. I dont know what you said but they looked terrified when you left.
I took "we live within stumbling distance of the bar" as an invitation and challenge
Remember when we used to smoke out of an apple at the playground? Those were some precious moments
I had sex in the tube at that same playground once. That park is full of memories.
Somehow I just turned an entire McDonald's bag upside down in my car and not a single fry fell out. The Lord really does work in mysterious ways.
5 seconds ago I had no idea that a fart could travel so fastly thru the tanning bed. I taste it in the back of my neck.
He tried to do a JoJo pose and wound up breaking his wrist in the process. Truly a story for the ages.
I hope you have your own chainsaw cause I didn’t buy one for you. It was a gross oversight on my part
She threw her burger out the car window last night. My vegan neighbors were not pleased but I’m pretty sure I saw a for sale sign go up on their lawn so I owe her one.
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