It's when I'm in my pajamas and in need of a gin delivery that I miss NYC most of all.
Holy shit. Do you realize what this means? Officially all of my ex-bfs are either dead or gay
im kinda looking forward to winter break. ive been away from home for so long i think i can trick my vagina into thinking that these arent the same people ive been hooking up with since high school...
Just because he saw my boobs doesn't mean he knows me all of a sudden
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I just remembered I opened the taxi door when I was at a red light last night and puked. And then when I was done I closed the door and told him he may proceed with caution.
You insisted on squirting shots of captain morgan in your mouth with a turkey baster by like 930.
Oh, I forgot to ask if u have any idea what happened to the back of my ear and if u were present when I almost fell off the roof...
I have no words
Neither did my mom, when she walked in on me squating with my balls in a cup of hot water.
It's that time of the week again where I begin to ponder life's great questions like, "What will my pathetic excuse for a future look like?" and "Why tacos?"
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I just won 200$ from Bar Karaoke, for singing the "Sailor Moon" theme song, and then the Pokemon theme song, also known as the motherfucking ANTHEM OF POKEMON MASTERS LIKE ME. I HAD TO REPRESENT.
And you know what the worst part is? Because of him I can now relate to a goddamn Taylor Swift song. FUCK. MY. LIFE.
someone stole my phone at the bar last night, naturally, it led to me waking up in the bartender’s bed
“before I show up tits a blazing, what’s the sexual temperature here?“
Remember those neighbors I thought were FBI agents? Turns out they're DEA.
You have thirteen minutes to get here if you want to get back together. Otherwise I'm getting digits from the waitress.
Randomize