so he came on my face and then proceeded to say "that was just how i imagined it would happen"
where do you find these guys?
So can I buy you a drink sometime?
Sure, but make it a double, I'm drinking for two these days.
My birth control alarm gets more depressing every night.
We name dropped you at the liquor store and got a ten percent discount!
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I don't know but the stairs are covered in apples
You sucked on the drag queens heel. It got that rough.
I just took my birth control with a water bottle I found in my purse with vodka in it in Spanish class. 10am is still too early for me.
The man who lives downstairs is fluent in Russian, and also a playboy. You should meet.
The girl in the stall next to me is puking her brains out, I'd say she had just a good a weekend as us
I gave her some alkaseltzer ad she looked at me lke I was god
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Eh. Fuck him. He's missing out. I'm legit naked and drinking straight from the bottle of wine.
if you're the one who put those dollar bills in my bra last night, thank you because I just used that money to get myself a coffee
Never thought an ATM max withdrawal could be such a good thing...
Remember that guy I fucked last month? Well I'm watching his dog this weekend while he's in the Bahamas with his girlfriend. What is my life
Are you serious?! She sent a pizza instead of showing up?!
She did indeed. Papa Johns. It helped because I was super hangry. That bitch is smart!
Just looked at my bank statement. 9 out of 10 transactions on the first page were from 9 different bars. The 10th was for birth control pills at the pharmacy. I need to rethink my lifestyle.
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