i'm so desperate for a drink right now i looked up the recipe to make pruno
his logic is that since hes already cheated on her w me its doesnt count
He came on me while singing crank dat like soulja boy, fuck our sex life has reached a whole new level of low
When I opened my laptop there was a half eaten little debbie oatmeal cream pie inside.
In hindsight buying the pill crusher with my vicodin prescription might have been too much.
Let's just not urinate on things that don't need to be urinated on
Look. I've got things to do today.. Will you hurry up and come over so I can give you some head and get my day started already
Outside
tonights mission is daddy issue patrol - we wear old spice and drink gin martinis and see who reacts.
There should be a promo code on the Papa Johns website for "I have no moneys but if you send a cute delivery guy I will pay him in blow jobs."
She deliberately backed into the homewrecker's whoremobile and yelled ""FOR SPARTA!"
What, I can't laugh at my sister being driven crazy by Facebook randomly assigning chat significance to the guy she lost her virginity to?
You cannot tell me you don't have a problem while crying pantsless on a stranger's sofa bed.
I caught myself caressing my own hand while nurturing a glass of bourbon. I think it's time to get back out there.
wtf why is there glitter all over my dog
..needless to say, i got fired. But I'm in the parking lot tanning on top of your car... so its not all bad.
Randomize
