Tonight has been like a good ass fucking high school movie
Hold on im havin a staring contest with my cat
i hate this class. from the way they're all staring you would think they've never seen a girl in basketball shorts, heels and sunglasses.
I am gunna fuck the accent right out of her mouth
Dude I broke my bong in half this morning. I kicked it as I was jerking off. I would never hide anything from you.
She sent me a pic of shot glasses on fire if that tells you anything
Found your pants. They were stuffed in the tank of the toilet.
I promise a much better performance tomorrow than last night my penis has a bed time
Yessssss I diiiiid! I enjoyed 38% of it. There are 4 qualifications and 2 were good. 1. There is a penis in my vagina (Pass) 2. It's a big penis (Fail) 3. The sex is long and exciting and makes me sweat and have 6 pack abs (fail) 4. I got off (uhhh potential to pass...)
I'm gonna face reality, tomorrow morning is not on my hungover agenda.
Ok: all ex-gfs except you from the last 5 years have or are about to have a baby...be on the lookout...
Just cried because I'm out of oreos. This post-molly depression can go fuck itself.
The selfie stick gets 5 stars bc it really added a fun element to my sex tape
2017 is gonna be explosive... Already watching fireworks out the window while shit my brains out. Happy Ew Year
I’ve gone two rounds already this morning and I’m ready for a third. The moon is in the house of sluticus hornius.
Randomize
