DAMN! I hate it when i drunkenly erase all my "sent message" and wake up in the morning and my inbox is full of "WTF?" and "Huh?" messages.
he used his one phone call on me and it said "you have a collect call from- LETS GET IT- at the montgomery county jail".
no. you're not making a beach trip out of my abortion.
note to self, drunkenly bedazzeling the silverware was a stupid fucking idea
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I am literally missing a chunk of eyelashes. That's how fun it was.
Just think of all the blizzard sex people are having right now
Why are you seriouly talking to me about this when there naked pics of blake lively on the internet? Priorities man...
I'm not upset because i like you. I'm upset because I can't use you for the sex anymore.
Don't look him in the eyes, it like looking at the sun but instead of burning your retinas it makes you wet and vulnerable
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He was having Sex and you yelled 'hot and dangerous!" and he responded with "if you're one of us then roll with us!" when he went to he bathroom I saw her getting dressed, looking mortified.
This time tomorrow I'll be fingering you
Oh shit a waiter was leaning over me when i opened that and i felt him pause
He was trying to talk to me about standards while he had a french fry box on his hand like a glove and was using it to flatten his cheeseburger.
I have a 8 minute video of a fish tank on my phone.
We need to stop going to pet stores high.
Guy running next to me at the gym is judging me. I think he can smell the whiskey leaking out of my pores.
I remember being like "I can't hold both of you guy's hair back!" so I put headbands on each of you
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