I woke up with my 26er down my pants and a peice of paper stuck to my forehead with gum that said "tell it to the greek goddess beside me"
I think I'm going to try and hook up with that blond tonight.
I'm going for alcohol poisoning.
I threw up red last night... I wanted to pinch myself because it wasn't green.
I didn't think it was possible, but that girl next door is even louder when drunk.
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I thought i lost my bra, but when i went back to help clean it was hanging up on the wall
Just drug him and when he wakes up say "You just woke up from a coma, we've been married for 5 years." It'll be like The Vow but fucked up.
I just found a weed leaf in my leg hair..
So is there a reason your dad is passed out naked in my shower? P.S. Congrats on the family dong.
I didn't get it..
I'm sorry. But to the original question please.
I tried to order champagne at IHOP last night
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Surprise court date day!!! Wake the fuck up!
I need a fuck buddy with more available hours
Please don't throw the wedding bouquet at me
Sometimes at I wake up from a dead sleep at 1am and call the bar just to hear the clink of the glasses and the pouring of the beer on tap in the backround
That awkward moment when you hear your boss yelling during sex while you're on her couch eating Easy Mac.
I don't know, all I remember is waking up at 4 in the morning to him going down on me.
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