yo i have your phone
... oh so you probably won't get this message
Different chick, same blowjob, same parking lot.
Oh. He liked you.
Then you said "Are you asian?, I didn't know there was Asians in Colorado."
jersey shore has given me a vivid depiction of what things will be like for me once i get to hell
Nothing says true friendship like 2 people bonding over potentially having AIDS.
i just ran into my boss at the liquor store. we didnt exchange words, just nodded in mutual understanding.
I've also hijacked your can opener. Sadly not for the same sexual reason as the muddler.
Ok, maybe I don't want to know what happened last night... But somehow I guess I moved the oven.
They left at like 4. I got up to help clean their house this morning and we found his pants. No ones heard from him, we're all a little scared.
I'm sorry, our booty call lines closed at 2 am. If you are receiving this message it is our off hours. Please try again between the hours of 12pm and 2 am to reschedule your booty call. Thank you for your cooperation.
Is it bad that I don't ask for names anymore? Just added "gold-chain-wearing hotel guy" to my list under "minivan 3way" and "funny-tasting gym guy."
The majority of the reason I want to get my pilot's license is so I can use the argument "FUCK YOU! I'M A PILOT!"
Please come to class. I miss you and I have a horse mask
I need to stop challenging people to taking off clothes. I win too often
I really prefer to do my walks of shame in the summer
Randomize
