Don't get the hula weed. It makes you sleep walk in destructive and confusing ways. I'll explain on Saturday.
the fog machine set off the whole complexes fire alarm
DRUNK CANOEING
Please text me if you survive.
LAND HO BITCH
Cops do not care. One just laughed and said "precious"
Do you know anyone with a stuffed cougar? I want one for a self portrait to hang in my house. A bobcat or lynx might work too.
You disappeared for 10 minutes. Then came back with nothing but your boxers and a life jacket on to tell us we were all screwed when the flood came and you would be the only survivor.
Can you think of a sexual word rhyming with snorkel?
I remember us getting kicked out of the bar, but neither of us know why. We woke up next to chicken bones on a plate with spoons, and my car has mud all over it including places where feet shouldn't be, like the speakers on the car door.
Care to explain the single rose and the package of "Cowboy Moustaches" I found on the porch?
If the ex isent in town and im crying under a table somewhere because of it can we go to a drag show or something
Her son walked into the middle of the living room, took off his diaper, shit on the floor, smiled at me, and walked out, as if nothing happened.
So date night went well?
Who loses their virginity to fucking Flo Rida
What're you gonna do with the rest of your night?
Probably watching cooking videos and fantasizing about pie
yeah it's a weird friendship. we pretend that we're automatic besties but i know we both know i slept with her boyfriend
Did you know that chef boy-ar-dee was a real person? I watched a show about him. the history of the ravioli is more scandalous than you would think.
Randomize
