there is nothing more satisfying than playing sudoku while pooping
She nearly killed the mood when she said "Don't cum on my spray tan"
Broke up w/ my married coworker...work is gonna get weird.
He was banging holes in the kitchen wall with pots. They tried to pull him away but only managed to pants him. He kept "drumming".
thats the coolest thing thats happened to my vagina since i dated that guy from portugal.
Taking shot for every red box on your worst bracket. I have 30. I might die tonight.
My TA just came over to give us drugs. Now he's drinking grey goose with my roommate and explaining his thesis to her. This is too much.
you act like breakfast cereal isnt an entirely appropriate chaser
I would personally love to see the surveillance video of me throwing my stuff inside, peeing on the sidewalk, then crying hysterically when I realized I locked myself out. Again.
Bring fortys. we have the duct tape. its onnn mothafuckaaaa
He's like a unicorn and I just wanna domesticate him
i ate her out in full view of all her roomates. the word awkward doesnt even cover it.
WHY THE FUCK DOES RICKY'S BROTHER GET AN ENTIRE POT OF PASTA FOR BEING SHIRTLESS AND ALL I GET IS ARRESTED?!
I may or may not have just had sex in the bed of a pick-up at a drive-in movie theater.
That bitch claimed that you said it was ok if she drank your vodka. Obviously she has never met you
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