Do you think he likes his girlfriend's moustache?
just jacked off with my ROTC uniform on. boy i feel like an american.
We have to give a final comment in english, i think i might say "i learned it's a bad idea to make out with people in your classes who have girlfriends."
He was showing him the picture of the 40 year old woman he made out with in Florida, turns out Chris made out with the same woman.
Go her
You decided that walking wasn't in the cards for you anymore
Do you think wearing a shirt that says I like penis is too much for tonight?
At the ER, will you come pick me up... Had an allergic reaction, wanted to see if I could eat a peanut without dying... Do you how bad this is evolutionary, I would have died back in the days of survival of the fitest by now
I bet my lungs hate me more than my liver
That's a hard toss up
Right now Tom has the 2nd floor office bathroom under siege. He shit/clogged one toilet, and he's throwing up in the sink.
You rode your bike four miles to my house. Yelled "I'm so high!" Then crashed into his car. It's a problem.
Bar selfie Saturday turned into bar nudie Saturday in a hurry. I need to delete my snapchat...
So he got the TA job but i told him its not official until we have a quickie on his desk. He offered to break into his office. He doesnt start until this fall.
I'm getting married
To pizza
I just set my acrylic nail on fire while trying to light my blunt
He was all “please don’t bail because I’m missing work for this” last night
Honey no, I need dick. I’m not going to bail
Randomize
