If the Four Horseman of the Apocalypse gang banged each other and had a kid, it would look like the creature I woke up next to this morning.
Can't imagine what could be worse than pet-naming your penis, but I'll let it go.
My mom asked what the mark on my neck was - I told her I burned it with a straightener.
She believed that the monsterous hickey on your neck was a burn?
well, not really. but then i reminded her that my sister has yet to take that pregnancy test and she conviniently forgot about my hickey
you are getting stockholm syndrome from your pubes
We got jeff a deep fryer for his bday. So far the count is two potatoes and your iPod.
Let's discuss options later this evening. I'll draw out said options and compare and contrast the "accessibility" of the costume for quickies. Because you never know. Halloween is full of surprises. I'll also compare practicality, level of skank, and creative features.
Target doesn't accept your signature for your credit card if you draw a dick on the pad. Even of your name is Richard.
I have a friend that keeps saying he wants to go bear hunting. Thought I would say just walk down church street at night. What intersection is it?
This girl braided my pubes while i was asleep. Now i cant get them undone.
My vagina needs her own mother sometimes.
Im shooting goldshlager and waxing my crotch
If not, I can murder my liver twice...it's like a cat, it has 9 lives
Ha! Just garden hosed my vag and thought of you.
Met this british guy. Played pool. Broke into an apartment and had sex
You waddled all the way home with your shoes in a construction cone. I'm glad to call you my Bestfriend.
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