singing james blunt while drunk. tell me thats not wonderful
Woke up with a treasure map of my room stuck with sticky tape to my ceiling. followed it and found $75 with a note saying; "eat this if we're invaded"... I'm never getting stoned again
if you were to get worldwide popularity from playing guitar with a plastic yellow bat while drunk on YouTube, would you hate me?
you started texting yourself and saying they were "divine messages from heaven" then you threw up on stacie's piano.
After a certain blood-alcohol level, the dog is in charge.
yo your bro wants to know what time he got home and were you hosing him off
Btw, just wanna point out that you've hooked up with two guys whose birthdays are today. Congratulations, you have a type!
also karaoke with swedish 7yr old and drunk 50yr old = best idea ever
HE TALKS ABOUT HIS DICK IN THIRD PERSON ABORT MISSION ABORT FUCKING MISSION
I want you to know that the guy who peed in your bed got fat.
This pedicure right now is the most physical I've been with a guy all month
She's kind of holyer-than-thou, like god himself came down and said "please cock block your roommate at every opportunity, and if you think she's thinking of sex, tell her she's a whore"
I successfully cockblocked 5 people in one night. I wasnt getting any, why should they.
The waxing lady fingered me during my brazilian. 40 dollars well spent
wow. that really looks like a penis. not a top hat
Randomize
