i don't like sucking hair
Your noise violation report contains the word "five-some"...wtf happened in here?
You totally left a blue butt print on our banister
Well I think we can all agree that that's better than then bowl of puke I left last time.
He's bringing condoms over for me in case we "bone".... the fact he calls it boning is not a great start.
Which genius got me a voicemail of myself puking?
She sat on the toilet backwards so that she could hold onto the back part for balance. No she's not ready to go home.
the mexican frat downstairs started singing this mariachi song, then out of nowhere some dude busts out a trumpet and plays along. is this even real?
Is it bad to have a craving for speed? I feel like my nose is thirsty.
Dad just asked me to breathalyze grandma
That's good. Don't want to see you bellydancing in prison for homemade wine.
He took my virginity but also my remaining pizza. i dont know how to feel right now.
I woke up in a bunk bed beside two Brazilians dude you have no idea how happy I was
She wore her engagement ring the whole time we fucked. I hate her fiancee, so it was cool
Costco cheesecake and whisky. A night made in heaven
Pretty sure one of my drivers stopped to get laid while he was delivering a pizza. Is it appropriate to give him a write-up AND a high-five?
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