I know, he also has a fancy car to make up for his tiny penis
The shirt is mine, the pants are mine, the bra not so much
What happened last night?
You soiled yourself again and told everybody that you'd given birth.
If Andre Agassi did Crystal Meth, what was John McEnroe doing?
the entire lecture hall sighed when the prof announced that there will be an exam on 4/20
you wouldn't stop saying "oil can" in the tin man voice until I gave you back your flask
This whole living in Ohio thing is getting reaaaaallly old.
He said I was trying to make the bouncer dance with me AS he was throwing me out
After I finished inserting the catheter he said he thought my name was familiar. Didn't have the nerve to tell him he was my fifth grade teacher.
I will kill you in such a brutal way if you ever de-pants me again on the dance floor it will make the stock market ticker
I would steal a car if I knew it had wheat thins in it
is it necessary to steal the whole car?
Woo is fucking right, dude. Vodka night tonight. Honestly, every night pretty much seeems like vodka night lately. My liver wants to move out of my body like I gave it an eviction notice.
There is a couple fucking in the outback bathroom and at first I thought it was sick but than I remembered my Outback fantasy with you and decided I can't pass judgements.
Where you been?
Please tell me this is a booty call
Listen, i know this is weird for you, but as your fuck buddy, id prefer if you didnt fuck her.
Youre asking too much from me
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