Ehh boy. FML. she was unattractively large.
he was so hot that i framed the used condom. it's not trash, it's art.
The sex was so not worth the four dollars it cost to drive over the bridge
Drinking bud light and eating rice cakes...this is the closest to getting in shape for spring break as its going to get.
Call me pathetic, but saying "tits for ireland" is working out really well on chatroulette today.
After we did it I noticed she was wearing the same underwear as last night.
That's why you don't sleep with the same girl two nights in a row man!
And why did 3 people fail to stop me from literally getting a piggy back ride from the bar to his apartment?!
Just climbed to the top of a frozen waterfall! Do you want to do drugs tm night? The two are unrelated.
Dipping doritos in ranch. Why doesn't he love me?
Ya, so he said he had to change before he would go to Pizza Hut because he pissed himself. He ran into his house and came back wearing a cowboy hat.........and his piss covered jeans.
Well I'm sorry but he seemed so happy being drunk at noon.
What's dad's email?
askmom@cause.idk
You didnt text me.. I'm on your street with golf clubs
Drank vodka clubs for 6 hours last night. Holy shit just realized that.
My goal tonight is to be arrested by the Police Women of Cincinnati.
Can I borrow your pants?
WTH?
Just come to the men’s room and help me. The blonde bartender figured out I’m married. Rachel will definitely notice if come home pantsless
Randomize
