The dr is doing well, he randomly asked if I was bi
her teeth looked like a whores toenails, i was too horrified to
just a heads up, there may or may not be a mailbox full of the leftover beer on the table in your basement.
You know what is really helpful - when the two guys you want to fuck stand next to each other. Stay tuned for who wins
It's like I paid NJ Transit $33 to suck his dick and go home. Fuck that.
Give me a few hours to remember what being sober feels like.
The last thing I remember before blacking out was telling Jamie that she was too fat even for my standards. The first thing I remember after blacking out was waking up next to her.
I just slammed another champagne, swaggered over to her, pointed across the room at the 20 y/o lacrosse player and whispered loudly, "I brought that one for YOU." I'm getting a raise.
I went from naked with lasts nights hookup to Ihop in 6 minutes flat
I think that's a new house record
What kind of life do I lead that no one is surprised by the fact that I was watching porn at work with the hot 37 year old?
Just for the record, you referenced Harry Potter while complaining about being torn between the Slytherin (lesbians) and Gryffindor (your mostly straight friends) houses (tables)
If you had amazing eyebrows i'd have sex with them.
Let me just get through this whole court subpoena thing and then ill go back to buying alcohol for minors.
Im sober enough to understand what people are saying but drunk enough to understand its hilarious
I tried to fuck you in my bathroom while my parents were in the next room. I am a clusterfuck of fun.
Randomize
