You then began crawling around in the grass with a magnifying class saying you were searching for the magic school bus.
It's so cute when the exchange student uses "blowjob" as a verb.
Was just walking through the park by the river. Saw some random in a tree, we climbed up, blazed with him and bought a bag. In the tree. Real shit.
It's like a booty call, except its for tacos...and you're my brother.
I think you're my mermaid sister. Separated at birth, by sea.
Why isn't there a super hero that comes to the aide of really high kids when they kill their car battery?
Deciding whether to take my sex toys home for Christmas will be the biggest decision I make this holiday season
Just cried watching Wimbledon, worst comedown ever.
It was really strange. I feel like I had sex with a synchronized swimmer.
I just found out my younger brother has me saved in his contacts as "Womb Primer" and I don't know what to do with this information
He literally said from now on he's always banging chicks with asthma becuas it's such an ego booster
dude it's 9am and i'm still drunk it's too early for sexting
You're not who I thought you were. You've changed.
I swear to god my spidey sense only tingles when someone’s about to die or you’re being a hoe.
You were just laying there on the air mattress watching spongebob with a knife. We tried to take it from you, but you insisted it was your emergency escape in case you started to float off.
Not only is he funny, he had a REALLY big dick
He's old enough to be your father!
REALLY. BIG. DICK.
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