idea:have a jello shot stand(opposed to lemonade stand) to raise money for spring break
Both he AND his 17 year old son were hitting on me... I'm bridging generational gaps
you were stumbling around in your attic looking for all your swim team medals because you wanted to "feel like a champion."
Has now officially visited every ER in this city in one semester.
Look dude I'm sorry I used your bong to snorkel in my bathtub last night
Just finished off a roll of paper towels. Celebration blunt?
I don't understand but I'll be there in 5
i wanted to ask her what his dick looked like but i thought that would be weird for the first time i met her
dude, apparently i tried to force feed my grandma bananas last night.
Just got a message on OkCupid from a 20-year-old who has "Momma's Boy" tattoed across his chest and thinks the earth is bigger than the sun.
And I made some girl take out the trash, load and unload the dishwasher, swifter, and clean the counters. So don't act like I don't do anything.
I just found a To Do list on the table, written by me last night, that just says "1. Go downstairs. 2. Get Pickles. 3. Laptop"
if i ever get to the point where i am moaning when i pee, please do the honorable thing and kill me.
I made him leave to get me chicken nuggets so I could have sex with his roommate
And since we used to fuck you are absolutely obligated to like my tweets
WTF. I was 99% sure I went straight home last night. I just woke up hugging a chair, and my tux pocket has a flask filled with what I think is red bull and gatorade. This has to be your doing.
Randomize
