Why the fuck was there a shirtless Mexican in my apartment this morning?
I love having a boyfriend. I just ate pancakes with regular syrup and chocolate syrup, I havent shaved my legs in a week, and Im still going to get laid tonight.
fuck. you.
We are taking shots for every green Lon-Capa box we get for the homework.
I think whatever his name is just puked on the stairs. Just an fyi for the morning. Love you.
You will receive a large, large reward, worth much more than the actual phone you are holding, paid not only in cash but in sexual favors, if you return this phone! Please respond if you're interested in cash/sex/or just being a good person. Thanks and hope to hear from you soon!
my goal was to make out with as many people dressed as batman as possible. I have my priorities.
NEVER LET ME DO THIS AGAIN I FEEL LIKE I'M GONNA SHIT MYSELF TO DEATH ARGHHHHHGHHG IS THIS WHAT DYSENTERY FEELS LIKE
I have bruises all over from falling so much last night, I even have bruises on my arms from them picking me up off the street.. Oh vodka nights.
Lets get real here, ive seen your moms breasts multiple times
so she gave me back a bag of clothing, had some boxers in it...they werent mine.... well that sums up 5 years of my life
I know he’s a bad decision but he's casual, his penis is amazing and his technique is on point.
How many more times can I say I need to get laid before you kill me?
He described his sex dream about me using only emojis
My diet fell off the wagon when I began texting the pizza delivery guy my location on frat row.
Dude on the shuttle bus eating a Butterfinger and watch porn on his phone and doesn’t give a fuck who knows
We need to get on his level
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