We should go out drinking together soon
I'm still not going to have sex with you
Do you think people stop being hipsters when they're naked? because that's what my research shows.
is it bad that the economy has gotten so bad that finding cheap gas gives me the same excitement and joy as finding a hot, blonde haired, blue eyed, tall, athletic single straight guy?
my sister and i are watching a movie and pregaming together. and by pregaming i mean shes not drinking since she 14 and im drinking alone.
You tried to tell her that the salad was an afrodisiac then proceeded to stroke yourself with the feather duster
We're at the hospital. She got a head rush and fell and now blood everywhere. Smoke the rest, just save her a bowl
i'm laying here naked in a pile of empty landshark bottles, is lauren still hiding under the toilet?
Haha yeah this costume is worse than I imagined. I look more like a gothic hooker who caters specifically to creepy men with doll fetishes
You know you're drunk when you're apologizing for your asshole at 4am to the toilet. Eat shit habanero bbq sauce, you've ruined my life.
Well I want to be mistreated and called a slut and finger banged
But I guess hugs would be nice
Some girls mom just approved of me banging her on Fb.... For the whole world to see.. I'm officially a god.
I crawled to the bathroom this morning there were cornpops scattered on the floor? What was I doing last night?
Just set the kids up with doughnuts downstairs so I could go up and masturbate uninterrupted. I am such a good mom.
you walked 30 min all the way back to the dorms at 2am?
i was more bummed that i dropped all my skittles.
they told me that it was glow in the dark and would make me magical. I was too drunk to say no. I woke up to a purple vagina.
its like a neon Im stupid as fuck sign
Randomize