Define "chronic" masturbator.
Is it weird that I have contacts who i've classified as DO NOT ANSWER?
Lol no its called college
and all i could think was, am i really about to have sex with someone who still thinks that pee comes out of the actual vagina?
whatever a "slut portfolio" is, mine is apparently almost complete
please dont make me drink to the titanic soundtrack
I just opened a bottle of wine with a shoe and a tube of mascara. Get on my level
my dad is now demonstrating how to start a fire with a tampon. happy fucking new year!
There are many penises to be discovered and claimed tonight
We're like Lewis and Clark
I asked him to explain what he meant by "hooking up" in paragraph form
AND I JUST BURNT MY BACON. WTF MONDAY. SCREW YOU TOO
My cat is staring at me while I drink my wine on the bathroom floor in the morning instead of attending class. Sorry mom and dad. Sorry cat.
This dude is trying to sext and all I can think about is taco bell and their new crunch wrap sliders
in the middle of telling this chick to sober up i was shotgunning beers. im gonna be ab awsome nurse.
Well you went to the bar with your crutches last night & everyone including the DJ started chanting "put your crutches in the air"
my near death experience doubled as my sexual awakening
Randomize
