It's true. Ladies love me because I'm so strong and they feel safe. Not because of my pseudo charm and their impaired judgement after several drinks...
Ps there is totally a drug addled prostitute in olympic pizza asking for change for a 100 bill
DO IT!!! IT MUST BE FATE THAT I GAVE YOU THAT CONDOM!!!!
I am so hungover and cant move but craving a Wendys frosty so bad. I might have to watch 2 girls 1 cup just to settle the urge
dude. we need more in our fridge then just beer and applesauce.
I didn't hate myself when I woke up today, that's improvement right?
It was over as soon as he asked if he could name my vagina pancake.
Can we just talk about how the only thing I have on my camera from this weekend is a video of you putting your whole fist in your mouth hahahha
I'm to sober to make life ruining decisions and alcohol is to expensive at this bar for me to fear that level of drunk happening
I need to reevaluate. My boss gave me drug money. I overslept on my couch. And I had my student teacher go to McDonald's and get an egg mcmuffin for me.
you're no funn. i shall go consult my friend vodka on this matter.
He couldn't get his dick hard. So he started yelling at it. " EVERYONE is laughing at you, you piece of shit no wonder you can't get pussy" i wonder if that happens frequently I'll try again next weekend
We took three cabs to get home, the first one dropped us off a block away, so we went back to the hotel and tried again
Hey, I'm sleeping in your car...lol just knock on the window in the morning
Excuse me I just made a hot pocket without burning down the house, I think i can do anything.
Randomize
