I like to use the word "seasoned" over "slutty", you know, like a good curly fry
I woke up hungover and reached for a glass of water only to realize too late that it was vodka sprite with my splooge in it.
girl is pretty boring. i'm gonna see if she'll let me finger her.
im gonna call it quits for tonight... I am so drunk I dont even have the motor skills to masturbate
How am I supposed to stop smoking pot when girl scout cookies are being sold.
Going to the beach. Greeting Sandy with a blunt. Wish us luck!
I feel like a pizza delivery girl of vagina tho
Haha. Maybe he's one of those feminine men who fucks like a god then makes you fantastic crepes afterwards
Pagan metal show. There is a folk dance happening in the mosh pit. Also, I have no idea where we are.
the moment when you open a dick pic with your mom in the car... On your moms phone... Of your dad... Scarred for life
Well, that's not my fault. I make decisions all the time when I'm drunk.
You know that if they offer you a bagel they are determined to sleep with you, right?
I attempted to walk home at 5:30 this morning cuz i was mad at him cuz he didn't want to cuddle and didn't have pizza. I got 3 houses down n fell over.
Its safe now. But... Nobody should sleep on my bed tonight.
First aid class means get dry humped by moderately attractive college students during heimlich maneuver training.
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