Do u think she knows her nickname is the oompa loompa
well that one time I was being a total idiot trying to see how much I could drink. turns out 22 shots is too much. surprise surprise! ambulance party!
i am not allowed to pick the men i sleep with anymore
I need to stop researching the drugs I do on Wikipedia. The parts about abuse and dependency hit too close to home
three guys just busted into my bio lecture, yelled "happy st. patrick's day!", downed jagerbombs, and left.
Found him. He was passed out on the couch at the new place in a room full of burnt pizza smoke.
So I gave him a handjob and now we aren't friends anymore
You're at Notre Dame. What did you expect?
It's not my theme song, it's my blowjob song. There's a difference.
So howd u manage to get high at a one year olds birthday anyway?
Like that time I held Annie up and she peed all over the window.. We make a good team.
Is it too early in the day to be getting dressed for the strip club?
You called me into the kitchen so you could show me that you were peeing in the kitchen sink and then told me to leave bc you couldn't do it with me watching
I wish I could take a screenshot of how things literally look from my eyeballs right now
HOW AM I SUPPOSED TO BE A DRUNK WHEN ALL MY ENABLERS ARE BUSY?!
I just found an old slice of LIME in my wallet?????????
Randomize
