i can't believe he got me to come over to him by waving a natty light at me.
Im def. not watching the CMAs. If Kanyes not gonna be there whats the point?
The worse part is i sent a text at like three that said i was getting head... Now i have no idea who's mouth has been on my dick
My cousin's dog just exhaled smoke. My job here is done.
nope, if she's going to skank it up with ginge-a-saurus douche she deserves the silent treatment.
all i could think about while he was eating me out was how pretty his eyelashes were
I hope you get some kind or rare disease that makes your dick ties itself in a knot for fucking her you lucky bastard.
Woke up this morning naked, wrapped in a bath mat with a wad of singles on the table. I'm calling it a win.
Is it normal that every guy I hook up with tells me my hair is sexy as it's happening? Like that can't be normal
Went to work in the same clothes from last night, completely covered in glitter...I didn't choose the hag life, the hag life chose me
And I'm glad you're waiting to invite him over. he may have a weird penis thing and then dinner becomes awkward.
Someone has big plans this weekend. Just went to throw away the trash and saw packaging for 3 different vibrators on the top of the stack
There was a deer right in front of me when I came. Sex in the forest is awesome
I smell like thanksgiving dinner and bad decisions. Its not even thanksgiving yet.
he drank half a bottle of bushmills, stood up to pee over the side, pissed his pants, sat in the puddle on the deck, told me my life goals were stupid and impossible, and wouldn't leave until 5am. by the time I got up at 8 I had 4 texts and 2 fb messages from him. AND HE STILL THINKS IT WENT WELL
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