she read insantiy as in-nast-tit-ty and asked what the hell does that mean...
Banging your ex-girlfriends best friend 3 days after you break up is like saying "fuck you" with feeling. I wouldnt have it any other way.
He just went up to bed, still drunk from last night, carrying a pear, a pipe, and an unopened bottle of wine. I think he'll be fine.
Just pulled an upper-decker at a hardware store. I believe I'm winning 8-2. It's obvious you don't shit enough in public.
You fell on your face and the waitress just brought you a fresh drink
Keep your head up. His game is good, and you should be honoured to be a notch on his wall. If it makes you feel better, if it wasn't you, it was going to be me.
did i send you the picture of me smiling with the magnum wrapper?
I think I won over his best friend. He was staring at my boobs all night.
omg this is getting ridiculous. nobody's vagina should ever be this neglected.
A bee came out of the shoe box and stung her. Even the insect community doesn't want her in those hideous things.
i came outside and he was eating her out on my lawn. i refuse to pick up the dog shit in my yard so i hope he chose the spot wisely
He was so drunk and proud of his 6-month-gym-results he actually made me touch his whole naked body.
So I can officially say that someone has licked whipped cream off my nipples. Go senior year
I'll truly miss your penis but your use of words and phrases such as bae, yolo, swag, and totes have ruined how attractive you once were.
Not sure if buying Twisted Teas for the alcoholics posted up outside the gas station counts as paying it forward but I am optimistic.
Randomize
