I did that thing where I cum for no reason again.
we were having sex in the bathroom when his aunt knocked on the door
and rather than go out and meet her, i climbed out the window. so now she thinks he was masturbating and moaning his own name in a really girly voice
Bar. Show boob. Just one. Free drinks. Instant friends
Guys only need one. Little known secret. You're welcome.
I just watched the quarterback of Purdue get shut down by a girl at a bar. not a good omen
May have caused an international incident. More details after we taxi in.
On the bright side since it was a Tuesday you weren't even in jail for the long! that could've been worse!
in fingerprint form on my ass. Seriously not cool. \ni bruiiiseeee like a delicate fruiiiitttt. Heeeaaarrr the rythymmm
lol i'm looking through my photos and there's this giant section of just dudes wearing murses
I spent part of my valentines extracting candy hearts from a woman's vagina. The entire time I was thinking "this job pays for my Mercedes. This job pays for my Mercedes. This job pays for my Mercedes."
Apparently, acid is a good substitute for cash if you don't have any! Who knew?
He invited to drink but spelled forties wrong so no thx
Hypothetically - think of it as Schrodinger's blow-job.
I don't care that he's really strong. I need him to make me cum not fix my back problems
there is definitely a hickey on my left nipple.
Don’t listen to me, I’m walking around wearing nothing but rave bracelets and headphones shouting “yeeeeaaahhhhhh”
Randomize
