My pee smelled like sake this morning it was sooo disgusting.
I'm pretty sure I have jizz on the back of the dress I wore to church. Awesome.
Have you ever noticed every guy named Shaant has scene hair and date girls with racoons stripes in theirs
His name should be shouldn't
We're lucky we aren't prostitutes by now. Whats the etiquette for returning a pair of heels with blood on them?
He called his prostate his "boner button".
Watched a women out our tannin salon literally fight police because she was getting arrested for trying to drunkenly fight the tanning salon owner...we need to step up our day drinking this is shameful.
I'm driving while wearing hulk hands
THERE IS A VIDEO OF DMX SINGING RUDOLPH THE RED NOSE REINDEER
I'm officially in the Christmas spirit
The bar tenders gave me the number for a "taxi"... It's just a dude with a van. In retrospect, pretty sketchy. Robert was cool though.
she dared me to make out with the amish dude so I went up to him and grabbed him by the beard
GRABBED HIM BY THE BEARD
I just interrupted this girl giving a dude head in a parked car on the south side. Going down on your guy while you're parked in front of your house because you don't want your parents catching you is fine by me, just don't block the fire hydrant.
He grabbed my tits and sang "you are so beautiful" to them before faceplanting into my chest
I've come to the conclusion that my issue is I'm not fucking a guy with a headboard
I couldnt face her after that wonderful, terrible blowjob. Made a rope out of towels and climbed out her bathroom window.
I hate when pretentious people talk bad ab corn dogs
Randomize
