ii just google-imaged 'sad turtle' and maggie gyllenhaal only came up once. what is the world coming to?
yup, got lost on my way to the final. maybe i should have gone to this class all semester
Wat the fuck dude ketchup in my bong???
I'm riding in a wheelchair, being pulled by a golf cart. You need to be here.
Do you think that we can get a group discount on liver transplants? We'll be like kids again!
I'm gonna fingerblast you when you get off work. Get ready.
hey, you wanna get together over coffee or something?
is this code for 'i just got broke up with and i need a sympathy dicking'?
how did you know?
My shoe was in my mailbox this morning. I can't stay sober today.
casual night just sitting in the kitchen at 2 am eating stale chips and hot sauce while my friends younger sister is cleaning all the blood off my body
I'm pretty sure I just need an IV drip of Plan B at this point...
So when this rash is gone wanna hang out?
You've never really lived until you tell someone you have an STD over snap chat.
just reached the point where my breast implants paid from themselves in free drinks.
We are back but we are listening to stairway to heaven in my car. Amy is air drums. Be back when it's over.
The smell of pee and coconut conditioner still makes me think of him
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