This is why I shouldn't be left alone with liquor and anticipation.
I can't. He's too cute and my tongue is too long.
We stole a cat. That is all you need to know.
Nope we're in the ER. He lit himself on fire trying to impress another girl with magic tricks.
you fully convinced the taxi driver that we were in a race
Please find an outlet that isn't stripping or getting drunk and arrested
Fuck I keep finding new battle scars from our fight. Justin told me I stabbed you with a broom handle.. Do you remember ripping my pants off?
Is it bad if one of my goals right now is to snort blow through a licorice?
Don't answer that. It is bad.
We found Kyle. He was next door yelling at the elderly couple to let him continue his golf game. No more afternoon drinking for him.
When I took off my jeans he became more excited about my Elmo underwear than sex but to be fair, who can blame him. They're awesome undies.
I may or may not already be in your hot tub when you get home. I have a key to your house and no shame.
I'm high. The text bubbles floating do no justice to the underwater experiences
You know you're stoned when you tell your dog you're stoned only to realise he's not in the pickup
he tied his pants around my leg to stop the bleeding... i think he just wanted a good excuse to take his pants off
well did it work?
it was a success in both ways.
I JUST SNEEZED WITH A MOUTHFUL OF CHEWED UP CASHEWS AND THEY CAME OUT MY NOSE AND IT HURT AND NOW I HAVE A LITTLE NOSEBLEED
Randomize
