It was my birthday today and i decided that i am not checking my notifications on facebook so ill feel popular
Wrong number and your a loser
Afterwards she kept poking it and saying "it looks so sad and small" I dont know if I wanted to reach this state in our relationship...
i think my love is proven by the fact that i still want to have sex with you after this conversation
Well I found you sipping ron diaz out of a child's dinosaur cup while sticking your fingers in the guy's fish tank and watching the "pirahnas" snap at your finger and laughing
your bra might or might not be a decoration on me and my roomies xmas tree haha
mate, my mother watched me threw up out of my nose wearing only a g-string.
We are going to need a water proof camera with a flash....exit routes....lots of booze.....and a tutu for good measure
On the plus side, I got cel phone video of a major fox news host doing coke.
The yoga party turned into an underwear party because we are all incompetent when it comes to tying bed sheets.
This has been a Party Success Story
Wrong. I really wanted to see the movie. And she was on top of me like she was riding a mechanical bull. Who am I to complain? I live to serve.
I declared today 'Have a Bloody Mary Naked Day'. Why? Because I'm hungover, thirsty & don't want to bother putting on clothes.
He told me I was "too flexible." Excuse me?
You threw up on his face 22 hours ago and now he's here holding your hand. I think he likes you.
i just got carded for condoms. wtf.....this is new. isnt safe sex a good thing?
He fucks strippers and doesn’t have a life plan. Of course I’m going to regret this
Randomize
