she is the kim kardashian of front butts
He had the Transformers symbol tattooed to his chest. We had to do it doggy style so I could laugh into my pillow instead of his face.
all i remember is being at the diner with her at 3am and her storming into the kitchen to make sure the chef gave me regular fries instead of home fries.
New level of high: If I could bathe in my salsa right now I would.
How many beers are too many "cause it's Archer Thursday" beers?
can't believe I traded a good night's sleep and a midterm for your blurry tits
be warned: you might find a baby hampster in my bra
And one groomsman rode a suitcase cart like a skateboard until he crashed and took out a piece of sheet rock. Later he pulled out his nuts.
It's acceptable to bring him back to my parents house and fuck on the couch right??
Regardless of how one feels after a break up, whiskey must be consumed.
Well, he didn't buy me a birthday present but he sure did give me chlamydia so there's that.
Emergency. I brought a boy home and we fell asleep, but I just woke up to him peeing against my bedroom wall. So I brought him to the bathroom but he fell over and he's sleeping in the tub. Can I leave him there? Because that's what I've done.
Better the hardwood than the carpet, right?
It was great. We stayed up all night talking about objects he'd put in his theoretical vagina.
Nice people suck dick too. I'm proof.
Just found out my dad smokes weed too. Mom, grandma, all aunts and uncles, and now my dad too. It's like I'm genetically engineered to be a stoner.
Randomize
