is it really weird I just got "suckable tits" in my honesty box and I'm flattered??
If I saw her on the street and didn't know about the two of them, I would think the only way she'd ever find love was if she somehow found her way to middle earth and an orc took her in
I just woke up with the words DO IT on my hand and six beers in my purse.
wicked high...have munchies. cherry flavor lube. problem solved.
The savings from $3 shots still doesn't add up to plan-b
im pretty sure all they do is fuck. and talk in baby talk. its two babys fucking basically.
This morning is cloudy with a high chance of vomiting all over the dentist. Stay tuned for further updates.
I wore sweatpants. When I show up to a booty call in sweatpants there's your warning
College has taught me that the "best idea" is rarely the fun one.
This is true but you can't really get fired from college
I snorted a few ambien and woke up here. A lady banged on our door, waking us up, demanding our towels.
Is it rude to ask for an autograph after giving him a blowjob in their hotel's hot tub?
You just said the word 'slut' out loud in your sleep and then made a moaning noise
He had a drawn-on fu manchu and now my vagina has one too.
I just bought a handle of tequila and a breakfast burrito. I might be out of money for the weekend, but at least I have the necessities covered.
Wow you are like a taller more attractive sex Yoda.
Randomize
