Would it be quicker to bike the freeway home?
hey its robert, we just made out in the backyeard. i'm inside now and you should come to the bathroom and meet me.
I just hatefucked a Bush administration appointee. Now having celebratory mimosas.
he pissed his pants, and she still wants to hook me up with him. I try not to date guys with bladder control problems... Unless they're loaded anyway.
i have a food baby... i think its a boy...
you're letting him buy you a plane ticket...to kentucky...so you can fuck him?
i know. i'm only adding to the interstate sex trade problem.
So i wrote 'don't sex me' on my stomach, so that if we got to a point where my shirt is off - he would know how i really feel, not just the alcohol talking
how did that work out?
Well, all the water washed it off, so we ended up fucking since i didn't have my reminder...
every time i recognize a doctor or patient at the hospital on this rotation, i just pray it's not from my blackout saturday makeout slut moments...professionalism shouldn't count on weekends
i just figured out how to balance my wine bottle on my boobs so that i don't have to tip it with my hands...breathing has new meaning
she looked at me completely serious and said "orgasms are 15% Stronger during a hurricane" and started to take all her clothes off
My nephew just told me I smell like apathy and regret. Thats the hangover I'm dealing with
Girl just walked into the bar with a T-shirt that says "I'm not Irish, kiss me anyways." Target aquired.
He's not replying to my booty call. Like wtf. You have ONE PURPOSE IN LIFE.
Oh Jesus. Are you going to the hospital?
No I'm showering then leaving for Vegas
He told me that he had never gotten a blow job. I sat there for a second, then thought "I MUST FIX THIS!" It was fucking fantastic.
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