I knew I had to get an abortion when his toddler sister came up to hug my leg and I kicked her off saying, "Get off, fucker."
i had a dream that your penis turned into a long neck dinosaur
did it start talking like on Land before time?
Dude, you were so drunk last night that when we went into subway, you forgot the word for bread.
Hookup with hot guy from gym, check. Wake up to find he's peed in my closet, double check.
I'm either watching Fifth Element or Hotel Rwanda. There's black people and white people and high life tall boy 18 packs are $11.99 so I could be watching my own hand. I have no idea.
whoever set the energy saving light timer in the lobby bathroom cleraly has no concept how long a work dump takes
He's like Medusa, you can't look directly into his eyes or you'll turn into a slut.
Smoked all day yesterday and even more today. Just survived high dinner with mom and sister. Thought I might eat the whole table
Did u see the proverb she left as a comment on my picture?
Today is National Blunt Day in the Great State of Me. Come ovah
If you sleep with another manager before the year is up you'll deserve an accomplishment sticker.
Drunk field day, hangover yoga and sober archery practice
He wouldn't shut up so I started sending him pictures of animal dicks
You tried to ride his dick and fell off. Then tried to ride the floor. That's why he hasn't called back
I'm fucked-out. That state of being high between fucked up and passed out.
Randomize
