I wish I could rss feed the hooker ads on craigslist because it looks suspicious that I check craigslist every hour.
i never thought it was possible to fit gay, redneck and asian into the same sentence before i met you.
and this wasn't even the first one i'd hooked up with
my dad just said 'either you're lying about your plans tonight or you kids are really lame nowadays'. maybe we should nix the singles saturday slumber party and go to a bar.
You texted the wrong number but that's probably the best call you'll ever make.
we convincced her parents we were only wasted meanwhile theire faces were morphing into one and i swear there was a reindeer in the background
The kid across the hall found me in the hallway using a hot pocket box as a pillow. I said its okay I live here.
Remember when I peed in the trash can in the ATM room last night?
Never thought I'd say this, but thank god for my blackouts.
did you really just send me an instagramed dick pic?
So, seriously. How does it feel to know that you're riding a cock that was in kindergarten when you were going to prom?
this is the first time in over a year I had a pregnancy scare and actually would have known who the father was. I guess this is what adulthood feels like.
Well I woke up at my house so that's a plus. But I'm pretty sure I peed on my sofa because I woke up in the pee position.
I can always pull a half day at work too. My boss makes exceptions for drug use. Lol. I fucking love my job.
He came all over her clothes we have to leave
I almost got decked by a guy who looked like Mr. Clean. How was your night?
This couple is walking their pig around campus
Wakes up in a cold sweat at 3am, 136 unread messages and the preview on the notification is "I JUST GOT TO THE INCEST PART"
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