you kept begging me not to tell anyone you had been a bat in another life
talk of her extensive whoreness has crossed oceans. thats impressive.
Two penises later: I might be straighter than I think.
did we cross streams again? the only thing I remember is seeing a dick
It wasn't really sex. It was just rolling around, trying to make sure his dick didn't end up in my ass.
Say hello to your nephew Sir Isaac Meriwether van Catsworth
I'm going to have to start taking your phone after ten. That's when all the cat pictures come
Just tell your mom you have to go somewhere half naked with a strange man. She'll understand
I might as well rub my vagina against it before I throw it away.
Really uncomfortable with the level of eskimo brotherhood at this family reunion
This guy at the airport was telling me 3/4 dudes in his group got rufied at some strip club. One guy woke up in the hospital, another found himself in a random parking garage, the other got back to the room and they all shit their pants. Go Vegas.
Hi, my name is Ashslay and I'll be your designated shitshow.
you ever just feel like an organ is failing?
Do you think you can chase a shot with chicken soup?
You got stoned and bought $300 worth of pudding. Again! Why do YOU think she left you?
I will not go because I am a man of my word and of my penis.
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